I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
