Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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