Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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