are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
