Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
