Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
