Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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