no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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