i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
