hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
