I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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