Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize