I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
