Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
