he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize