You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
