**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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