Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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