I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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