My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
