the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
