Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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