your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize