I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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