remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
