Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think your dad took our porno
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
