I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
