I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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