Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
