Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
