i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
