She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
