A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
