Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
