You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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