I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
