the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
