We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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