I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
