I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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