you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
