Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
