i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
