ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
