I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
