this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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