i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
And then he peed in my hair
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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