Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
