i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
