At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
