I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
