i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
