What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
