why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
