Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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