I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
