I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
