when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he just fucked me for my cheese.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
