Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
