i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
