I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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