We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
