btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
