Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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