I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
