Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
