Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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