Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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