i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
