That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
