I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
