Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize