Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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