This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
