oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
