Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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