Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
