I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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