guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
do herpes really smell.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
