My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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