If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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