he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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