Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
